As I type this my nails are glaring back at me... they are a distinct shade of black (Licorice, black by Essie to be precise). It is Halloween so it is only fitting to wear a shade of polish suited to goth girls, fashion bloggers, and hipster babes (to be honest I love black polish, I just rarely wear it... I prefer a nice shade of Wicked or Luxedo or even Bobbing for Baubles [I have an Essie addiction you guys]). Today however it is fitting to wear black polish (if you aren't reading this ON Halloween, that is fine, just work with me here).
Confession- I LOVE HALLOWEEN!
That is to say-I love costumes and dressing up. I love playing a part. I love finding a character... but Drew hates all of those things.
"This holiday was designed to torture me." he says, "I hate it, which makes me feel like bad person, which makes me hate it even more."
Go ahead, laugh a little... it is funny. BUT it has been just the biggest thing! I mean, he has a point... Halloween, between the ages of 16 and 35 is really (unnaturally) intense, "what are you going as?!" "what party are you going to?" "are you going to ________ party? It is going to be amazing!" THE PRESSURE TO BE 'COOL' is overwhelming. I say this because right now, right this moment, I am fighting the feeling of 'being lame' not having a cool enough or original enough costume (just check instagram, people are on their A Game this year!) I didn't really put enough thought into it... didn't spend hundreds on a concept or learn to do special effects makeup for it. I just polished my nails black and went thrifting.
My question dear reader is this- why does that make me feel lacking? Why do I feel gutted over having a costume that is 'up to snuff' for some unknown group of people for ONE night of ONE year that will be but a distant memory the moment it has passed? Why do I feel like I need to post my own instagram of my own ridiculous costume so I can 'prove' to the world I am fun and original and going to the right event?
Fact- if you dressed for the rest of the year like you do on Halloween everyone would make fun of you and/or think you are insane. It is like Cady says in Mean Girls, "In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it."
So I will sit here. I will take a few deep breaths and channel my inner self, the one that is strong and working on being 'wholehearted' and I will be still and I will be quite, and I will listen for the voice that says 'you are enough' (it also says my costume is just fine, if I stay in or go out is just fine and all the haters who say otherwise can gtfo).
Happy Halloween everyone! You do you, dress up, don't dress up, go out, don't go out... I will love you anyways.
*My favorite costume maybe ever. Drew was Kanye from the Katy Perry 'Supernatural' music video and I was an alien/robot woman complete with silver spray painted roller hockey gear, jumbo eye lashes and an I Dream of Jeannie ponytail.