I suppose we should continue where we left off... I suppose it is for the best.
A city built on a tangled history of pioneers and pirates, destruction and recreation. It is for this reason the long term residents of this city have been deemed as 'touched'- you have to want to be there. I'm not so sure how touched I am but I am sure that it is where we are supposed to be, at least for now.
When my friend, Jason, and I spoke of this potential job at the Ace I wasn't sure what to think, hospitality felt foreign and clunky, none the less I felt a tug of curiosity pulling at my heart strings. So we booked tickets, LAX-MSY, and went about our lives for the next few weeks; all the while a potential career in hospitality tumbled through my mind, refining itself into a shiny coherent concept that suddenly felt more tangible.
I talked to people I trusted about the potential move and opportunity, weaving together the threads that had materialized out of (seemingly) thin air. To my surprise nine out of ten of those individuals immediately responded with positivity and encouragement. Of course there was a sigh of sadness when they recognized that this job would mean our moving thousands of miles away, but there was excitement in the possibilities they foresaw for Drew and I in this change.
Before we knew it, we landed in the thick air of the great American South, completely unsure of what the next four days would hold. We ate and drank and listened to jazz, walked through a cemetery and saw a second line. It was hot but not too hot, humid but not too humid... a preview of what would be in store should we choose to end up there for a season. We had breakfast with a friend who happened to be in town and I shadowed Jason for a few hours. I had an impromptu interview and walked the city from one end to the other. New Orleans glimmered and put on her Sunday best for us.
Full disclosure- I didn't feel like I belonged there...every time I thought about the job however, I knew it was right.
I have never been one to look at a career and think, "I want to start over for this. To start at the bottom, learn the ropes, work my way up and see what it takes to be the best I can be at this". But the idea of working in the hospitality industry had settled into my bones. I was convinced that I could not only do this job, but I could be great at it! That thought was a drug in my veins; it was empowering and motivating to see myself inside of a job that I, on paper, know nothing about, my soul however, fit it perfectly.
The ironic thing is that as I look back at all the careers I have had in the past the thread that runs through them all is Care- making people feel special, making them feel seen and heard and known; that sentence makes my soul tingle. It all clicked.
We flew back to LA and I decided we weren't moving.
I know. After having all the good feels about this job, how could I even think about NOT moving! BUT, guys, I love my people in LA. Drew and I have lived there for close to five years. We have routine, we have our spots, we have our wine guy, market people, community and coffee people, that is hard to just walk away from. It is a change in identity for me as well. I have been 'a hairstylist' since I was 12 years old! Learning a new skill, picking up a new profession, suddenly seemed bananas (thanks gremlins for those thoughts... you really know how to make a girl feel shitty).
We got back to LA late on a Tuesday. All day Wednesday I was convinced I could not survive if we moved; I needed my people, my places, my things. That day was one of the more anxious days I can remember in recent history. Drew and I went for a walk that night and tried to plan out what staying in LA would look like... needless to say we ended up in a fight. We both felt so unsettled by the idea of staying but were unwilling to face the truth behind the fear and hostility.
Be careful of thinking you can actually control anything in your life.
I woke up in the middle of the night, restless, "You're Moving" I heard it, clear as day in the quiet darkness. I rolled over and pretended I hadn't just heard the voice of the Divine whisper.
Thursday morning Drew and I sat across the butcher block counter from each other, coffee and eggs between us. "I feel like we are moving" He said. "I do too" I sighed.
And so the path was laid. We wake each day and take one step after another and trust it is the path we are meant to be on.
If this all seems rushed or out of the ordinary, I understand, I feel that way also. However, the amount of peace that flooded our home that Thursday morning is the truth that guides us each day; and I have no other option but to surrender in faith to that truth.
There is more nuance, more texture and feeling layered into the complex confection of life than I can possibly convey in these posts. But, as always, I will do my best (and leave the rest).
Light and love