While people watching the other day (one of my favorite pastimes) it dawned on me that I have unfairly critiqued mom jeans and left dad pants completely unscathed, which is a wrong doing I intend to fix. Let’s even the playing field shall we?
Gentlemen, what is it about pleated pants that you deem so “professional”? I feel like 80% of all men own a pair of pleated trousers and insist on sporting them to all official life events, i.e. business meetings, weddings, funerals, dates (WHAT!? ladies, a guy shows up to your date in pleated pants, run… I mean, I’m not saying it’s a deal breaker, but it’s pretty much a deal breaker). Do you guys actually think they are attractive? Do you really believe the myth that they make your junk look bigger? Because, no, they do not!
I get it, your dad wore them, they are nostalgic and “official” feeling, but seriously they are TERRIBLE! Yes, there are modern options where the pleats are more like gentle creases or over exaggerated into a heirum worthy fold; I am on the fence but more accepting of these otherwise questionable options. Actual Dads of a certain age, you are excempt from these rules, because quite frankly it would be disrespectful of me to argue with an elder (just kidding, but seriously I wouldn’t feel right telling my own father not to wear his Dockers so I won’t tell you not to either).
Also, ill-fitting denim is not a thing that should remain in your wardrobe. You are a grown ass man, try your pants on in the store and make sure they fit! Take Ryan Gosling with you and he will show you how to have a baller wardrobe in 16 pieces. You have zero excuses for why your pants fit like a tee-pee.
If you are loosing weight, congrats, belt those baggy suckers until you reach your goal weight and then splurge on some amazing trousers and denim to show off your new bod! On the other side of things, if you are gaining weight, go buy new pants ASAP. No one wants to see your muffin top sir, no one thinks it is adorable, put it away.
Obviously, just like in mom jean world, there are exceptions to the rule. Sometimes pleats are done well, sometimes they are acceptable, but lets be honest, that is simply not the case most of the time. So next time you are out purchasing pants, please think long and hard about those pleats. Do you really want to subject yourself to all of the negative connotations of the pleat? Do you really want Ryan Gosling to publicly berate you? (ok that is not a fair question, I would just be thrilled he was speaking to me… soooo)
Moral of the story, your attire should FIT you. Go be an adult, get a tailor and when your dating life sky rockets I will be waiting to say, you’re welcome.