A woman I worked with was once asked (by her then fiancé, now husband), “Why is it all beautiful women are so… dirty?” No, not kinky or vile, get your mind out of the gutter. I am talking about the fact that 92% of all the women you know who have good hair and skin have more than likely adapted a (stereotypically) French ideal of “cleanliness”, that is to say they rarely bathe or at the very least wash their hair less than your sorority sister* but more than your grandmother in a nursing home.
Be stunned, be disgusted, then think about it for a minute. You aren’t really as grossed out as you think. No, in fact I would venture to say that you are jealous because you can’t get away with not washing your hair for days and days on end.
As one of these women, I will be the first to admit that yes, this goes against everything you have ever been taught. Yes, it defies the idea that “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” but you guys, God is Green… not wasting water on washing your hair goes with that mindset, so therefore I say the big guy upstairs would be pretty ok with you not washing your mangy tresses.
Here is what you are going to do. You are going to talk to your stylist about a shampoo and conditioner option that will clean your hair and moisturize your ends. You will stop conditioning your hair to your scalp (mid-length to ends ladies, mids to ends!) and make sure you are rinsing your hair thoroughly.
Day one, wash and condition your hair, apply your products MIDS TO ENDS ONLY, air or blow dry (personally I vote blow dry until the hair at your scalp is dried and let the ends air dry, but do as you will). Style your hair and go about your day as usual. For best results don’t wash your hair at night, it takes away from the days you can wear your hair dirty.
Day two. Apply a light coating of dry shampoo to the scalp area. Spray the hair line first, then go in half inch sections through the top and front. Lightly brush in with a boar bristle brush to blend in the dry shampoo and style as usual.
It is worth noting at this point if you are just starting out you won’t be able to go as many days in between washings. Modify this schedule for your needs, think of it more as a guide line and less of a rule book.
Day three. Apply another light coat of dry shampoo, brush, and style your hair up. A bun, braids or power ponytail are preferred methods of diversion.
Day four. A little more dry shampoo and a ballerina bun.
Day five. You may be pushing your luck by this point. But this is why God created hats and head scarves. Hide that hair and let it be stank and rank for one more day. This is not advised if you have an important meeting or are going on a date… Pony up and wash your hair!
Day six. The high holy day of the week. Let your hair down, please note that it may stay in its bun like shape, piled in old sweat, oil, and product, don’t worry this is rather normal and to be expected. Brush all of the tangles out, this will also loosen the product that has stuck around for the last week. Wet your hair all the way and pre-shampoo with a pea size amount of shampoo, scrub (you will not get a lot of lather due to the amount of product that is trying to be lifted), and rinse. Using a nickel size amount of shampoo, scrub your scalp and allow the lather to build, rinse until you hear a gentle squeak. Condition your hair from the mids to ends, rinse and go back to Day One.
I won’t pressure you. This is not for everyone. But I will say, it is mildly disgusting, liberating, good for the earth, and I, personally, love it.
Now, if you have some issues with your sebaceous glads and your oil production is out of control, do me a favor and wash your hair as much as you need. I will not be the reason you cause everyone to cringe at your nastiness. This program is for the person dedicated to concealing their dirty hair so that people will never know how dirty it is, it is not designed for the person who is just lazy and won’t wash their hair, there is a difference.
This program is not for the faint of heart. You will be discouraged by your hair getting dirty quickly at first, but over time your hair and scalp will adapt and change. Before you know it people will be asking you if you coloured your hair, to which you will proudly respond, “No! It’s just really dirty.”
*I don’t really know many sorority girls, but I assume with all the working out, cheerleading, and keg stands they perform, showering a lot is simply a part of the deal.