"Your body and mind are screaming that they are fine, but when we unlock the second pathway it is clear that everything is a mess."
"Huh." He said, "What?"I said, "Well, when I contracted your muscles they should have become weak... instead they remained just as tight. This tells me that your whole body is working over time. You are in 'hyper drive' and it is really taking its tole on your system." He paused and continued, "But you are young, we can figure this out, it will just take time."
"You are burned up. Your energies have all been spent. Your physical, emotional, and spiritual batteries have been drained. We need to figure out how to recharge you, it is no longer an option, it is paramount to your well being."
Two doctors and a therapist. This is what they said to me. For over a year. And I didn't listen.
I am a person who will push through pretty much anything. Weakness is not a word in my vocabulary, taking time for my self not a task on my to do list (out side of doing yoga and eating well, self care hasn't been high priority). I am the energizer bunny... I WILL keep going, no matter the cost.
Here's the thing, I know this isn't good. I tell people left and right, "listen to your body and be good to it! Eat well, move, get massages, pamper yourself in small ways." We teach what we need right? I write, speak, share what I need and while, yes, I do practice some of those things- mainly having a good diet and exercising daily- I have a hard time putting the 'self' into self care. This does not mean I am 'selfless', I do have a tendency of valuing everyone else's everything above my own, but up to now in life I think it was more a 'self worth' problem... I was investing into everyone else, making deposits in my marriage account, friends accounts, work and social accounts, but I wasn't investing into myself. I was "borrowing from Peter to pay for Paul" as my Doctor tells me (she is a million and I love her). My body took loans from one organ after another and systems began to pay the price... I started going into physical 'foreclosure'.
The thing is, we are not solely made of parts and pieces, we are 'many' functioning as one; we are mind, body, and soul, each having many subsidiaries and each needing specific care so that there can be flow within us.
IT IS ALL CONNECTED
(have I said that before? probably)
I have been thinking a lot about 'energy' these days. I realize that is a rather hippie/voodoo/eastern idea for most of you, but stick with me. Everything is made of energy- atoms, cells, flowing, moving, creating; energy is all around us and moving through us at all times (crazy right!?). We transfer energy with the people and things around us (which is why when a person has 'negative energy' they affect everyone and everything around them and why certain spaces just "feel weird" #science). This sort of energy is felt in the body but it is not physical, it is more spiritual in my mind. There is however, mental energy (what you spend your braincells thinking about) and physical energy (what you spend your time/body on).
As cheesy at it sounds make a list. If it helps, put it in more 'tangible' phrasing- What is on your mental, physical, and spiritual (self) plates? Once you have that list think about what is actually important and how those things affect you. Think about not only what is on your plates (right now) but what you wish you could have on them... time for play, adventure, contentment, SELF CARE etc.
Last night I took a bath. I took a bath and read a book that was nourishing to my mind and soul. I put on a face mask and sat in lavender scented bath salts for a half hour. It cost virtually nothing and changed practically everything. It was restorative to my whole being- my mind, my body, and my soul took comfort and found ease in those few moments. I was investing into my energy instead of making (another) with drawl.
Our energies (my energies, Drews energies, your energies) are sacred and it is high time we learn how we are using them, what we are using them on, and what is affecting them- we need to learn how to invest wisely. Don't you agree?
P.s. what restores and recharges you may not be what restores and recharges me. I need alone time, I need nature... you may need people and art...Whatever the thing is, listen to your 'self' (your combined being) and trust that it knows what you need (unless that thing is like hard drugs or copious amounts of alcohol... perhaps you should second guess it if that is the case).
For a little more on energy, click here.