I have big news you guys... like fucking huge news... I know mom, I shouldn't curse, but it was necessary for this, I promise! Ok... you ready?
-I FINALLY SAID WHAT IT IS I WANT IN LIFE-
Ok ok, I know. This may not seem like a big deal and to most of you it may seem like a... shock? Come as a surprise? But do you know what, it is a BFD and I am so proud of myself for finally getting there.
I have struggled to say what I want for the entirety of my life. I am often crippled with indecision; choosing things is not my forte to say the least. And saying what I WANT has brought me to tears (on multiple occasions). I don't know if it is because I am a middle child? Because I had a very strongly opinionated and smart older brother? I don't really know. I could wax philosophically about this forever, but the bottom line is this- what I 'want' finally clicked for me. The irony is, the thing I want, isn't really career based... it's more life based... and to be honest that feels so very right to me.
So what do I want? (I know you can hardly contain your excitement).
I want to be a BAD ASS WOMAN!
I want to KNOW how to cook things and cook them well. I want to know how to bake bread (FROM SCRATCH, nasty 'starter' and all). I want to CAN shit and preserve (the seasons bounty lol).
I want to know how to sew, mend, tailor (basics guys, like hem my own trousers.. not that I need that all that often as I am tall-ish). I want to know how to PROPERLY do laundry (not just wash everything on cold).
I want to have a tiny garden and know the basics about how to grow things- tomatoes, peppers, herbs, greens, nothing crazy.
I want to have a good home where people feel welcomed and comfortable.
I want to take pride in my femininity (this is a whole post that I will expound upon later).
I want to raise mini humans someday (also known as children)- shout out to moms everywhere- you amaze me.
I want to learn things, expand my mind and my soul.
I want to have quality people in my life, to server and care for them...
The list goes on, it is much much longer in all actuality (no joke, it is a real list... I have it in a notebook) but I will leave it there for now so as not to bore you.
Here is why this is important... This idea, the idea of 'being a WOMAN' is very old school and, quite frankly, very looked down on these days. And my question is WHY?!
Who the fuck says I can't be a fucking badass at life, while living simply, doing what I love and growing as a human? Who the fuck says that is anti-feminist?! I actually think it is THE MOST feminist thing! I'm not saying 'the womans place is in the home' I am saying- You are a woman, you have the power to create life, thats fucking awesome, you sustain, you have soul, you (WE) are so necessary to this world and how it functions. Did you know that cows who are milked by women produce better milk and cheese? They are more calm because of the ENERGY of the woman milking them. Did you know that women need women and men need women because we are more empathetic, better listeners, and more comforting (as a general rule). Bottom line- WOMEN ARE AWESOME.
Women have developed this idea that you have to be sexy to get things or a total dick (and I mean that in all seriousness; they (we) feel the need to project a 'dude like' asshole vibe in order to come across as 'worthy' of power/attention etc).
The thing is, you, simply by being a woman are inherently powerful. You are beautiful. You are strong and WORTHY. Your breasts aren't a gene lamp (or they shouldn't be) and voicing your opinion doesn't make you a 'bossy bitch'. Tina Fey and Sheryl Sandburg have written books on this... they are badass broads and you should probably look them up.
Perhaps your 'want' is to be a politician, to which I say- YOU GO GLEN COCO. Maybe you want to be a mathematician, a pilate, a singer, a performer, a model, actress, mother, therapist, scholar, stylist, hairstylist, makeup artist, artist, designer, craft person, home maker... whatever you want to be you CAN be. I believe it comes down to a choice and an acceptance of all the things that make you uniquely YOU. I myself am learning this and working through it (as we speak).
At the heart of it all kindness and care for yourself and those around you is a great place to start. Learning to listen to your needs and honoring those things is huge, loving yourself is essential, and it is only from a place of 'wholeness' that you can truly serve or achieve what it is that you want. ALSO this is the first time in history that YOU have existed, that you are doing the things you are doing, NO ONE else can be YOU... liberating is it not?
I know... this may not make sense to everyone and that is ok. But for those of you that this resonates with, welcome to the badass womens club, unlike fight club I would love for you to talk about it and share your thoughts and feelings with the class in the comments below.