I'm not about to be like "yo, I'm a babe and get hit on all the time"... because A) that is false B) my friends are the babest of babes so gentleman callers usually go their direction C) I got a rock on my finger so the fellas don't even bother to holler and D) I tend to give off the "back up off it" vibe when they try.
Today I will recount a story which I find humorous. Please keep in mind this tale takes place while I was working on set for a commercial (that is to say it was full of extras)... please note, I was working, doing my JOB, not trying to seduce the talent (I am not a lady of the night, nor am I remotely seductive, just ask my friends who have seen me dance... also I am using the term 'talent' very loosely here).
We will call this the story of The Awkward Extra.
It was midway through the third day of filming. Everything was going according to plan. The lead actors had already gone through hair and makeup, I was on my second cup of (much needed) coffee and the extras were due to arrive at any moment.
Francesca, my dear friend and lead makeup artist, hates extras, and I never really understood why until I worked this job; they are an odd bread (not all, just most). They have stories, lots of stories, which they long to tell to anyone (and everyone) who will listen; and thats not all. They have more energy then a hyperactive chihuahua, and this particular group had the WORST hair of all time... seriously, it was like the twilight zone of bad hair.
Half an hour later, while rushing to make sure the extras looked presentable, I came across a young guy with a wiry, wig like version of the Billy Ray Cyrus mullet and the style of a twelve year old who was playing dress-up in his dads suit. I walked over and attempted to tame his hair into something a little less offensive to the eyes, with little to no luck BECAUSE, within two seconds of my saying "hi, I'm the hairstylist on the set today, I will be fixing your hair before you go on camera" he stuttered back, "so...s...so...ssso ha,ha, how old are you?"
Listen... I will tell you my age, no problem, but it was the way he asked... the tone... the intention. "I'm 26" I responded, "why how old are you?" I said this with a distinct tone of hesitance and dislike, hoping he would realize just how awkward he was making things.
"o,oh, oooh, I... I'm 25" He sputtered back (mind you, he did not have a speech impediment, he was just incredibly socially awkward, which is saying something because I am socially inept).
"Cool." I respond. The final say I thought. I packed up my products and started walking to the next extra.
"Oh, wait... um... um... so, do you... do you like have a boyfriend?"
SERIOUSLY DUDE!? Our entire interaction lasted no more that 2 minutes and you are hitting on me!? Ok, I appreciate the balls it must have taken for him to ask, but he has watched the Prince of Persuasia’s dating DVD one too many times.
"I'm married." I said.
"Oh." He looked down at his hands, "is it serious?"
I gave him one last quizzical look, smiled, and said, "Yeah, pretty serious... seeing that we are married." I turned to go, "Have fun on set ok?"
And I walked away.
Cold? Maybe... but you guys there is more.
As I left to walk to my car that night homeboy casually FOLLOWED ME OUT. I called Drew and made small talk, making it obvious that I was talking to the person I love, hoping he would get the hint and leave me alone. Billy Ray coughed to get my attention, and with all that he had inside of himself he tried to muster a 'swagger' (sadly I've met five year olds with better game).
I watched, in awe of his absolutely oblivious nature as his oversized taupe blazer disappeared into a '98 Toyota Carola in the parking lot across the street.
I can't help but wonder if his tactics have gotten him very far and I do, genuinely, wish him the best of luck. But, I hope for the woman who one day falls for his awkward charm, that he has a better haircut.
Do you have an awkward pickup story? Leave a comment to share it with the class.
*Being hit on made me feel like I was 18, in the days where I wore screen printed t-shirts and was all punk rock. This look pays homage to those days.