Ever since I was a kid I have had a guilty conscious. I may not have done anything wrong or if I had it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but I took the blow like an ax to the chest every time I was accused...20 plus years later I am still this way (ok I'm not dodging the age thing... but one can never tell just how old I was when this all started so I am giving myself a buffer period).
I recently had a situation with a rather... how shall I put this... pushy client. Now, I don't deal well with incredibly pushy people, they make me anxious and I instantly feel as though I am failing them just by breathing in their presence. This client asked for me to send her something, which, technically I wasn't allowed to do, and upon explaining this to her she frowned and pushed harder.
Side bar- I feel like many people who are 'pushy' and 'demanding' are often only children who were spoiled and hate being told NO. Which really makes me want to hit them with reality and say "man up, this is not for you, it is NOT all about YOU, okay?!" ANYWAYS... That being said I need to work on my 'grace' and acceptance...
Needless to say I caved and am now facing the repercussions of my actions... which, I suppose, could be worse considering. However, the moment I handed over my power to this client I instantly regretted it, which made the inevitable moment of conviction that much worse.
The fact of the matter is, it happened, I can't take it back... this is, again, another moment of learning from failure, forgiving myself, and moving on... the trick is accepting all of those things as truth. I don't need to carry the guilt the 'pusher' placed upon me and at the end of the day, I can (and will) do better. Taking critique (and or hardship) and learning from it is never easy... it is most definitely not my first instinct, however, I must admit it is always worth it.
My encouragement to you, dear reader is this- Like Olivia Pope learn to trust your gut, 9 times out of 10 it will lead you down the right path. Don't let outside forces sway you, trust in yourself, you are more powerful, talented, and creative than most people will ever give you credit for.
*Guilt, shame, conviction... if you know me you will understand the irony of this photo.