The idea for this post came from my friend Bonnie. She is wise and brilliant and takes pretty pictures... you should probably follow her instagram.
"There are two kinds of friends"
Bonnie looked at me point blank as she said this. We were sitting in the front window of one of our favorite coffee shops, sipping Americanos while mulling over life as of late.
"How do you mean?" I asked.
"Well" she replied, "it's like I was telling James. Some friends are your organs. You need them, they are vital, you can't live without them... You are an organ. Other friends are arm hair..."
At this statement I immediately burst out laughing! "Arm hair!? That is the best thing I have ever heard!" however, what she said just before gave me pause; "you are an organ". This whole concept is a lot for me to digest (pun intended). Friendship and I have a very complicated past. I am not the girl who has had friends since kindergarden, I was more of a 'social butterfly' than a social climber. I had my feelings hurt deeply at very early (very formative) points in my life with multiple 'organs' being painfully removed (realizing now perhaps they were never organs at all...) and so I built walls... I kept everyone at arm hair level. It has really only been over the course of the last few years that I have had people come into my life who made me see that the scars left so long ago had finally healed and that it was time to get a few transplants; to open myself up to people who can help me function as a human being. Drew was the first, he is my heart. So then, it makes sense that I felt tears fill my eyes when Bonnie told me I was an organ...
She smiled back, "It's true! Think about it. You need some people to function, other people are more just around... you don't think about them all that often. It doesn't mean you don't like them, it just means they don't get to have as great an impact on your life... and every now and again one gets too long and you have to pluck it!"
By now I am nearly in tears. "Bonnie! I love this so much! I need to write about it. Also thank you for being an organ... it's such a gift."
We sat and talked for a long time, sharing ideas, having open and honest conversation. It is refreshing when you can dig deep with someone. When you can have a conversation that goes below the surface. Ultimately I think that was Bonnies point; finding the people who you can be open and vulnerable with, who can go beneath the surface without getting scared away, the people who see you for who you REALLY are (flaws and all) and still love you. The people who disengage the moment things get too 'serious', the ones who want to remain on the surface, aren't necessarily bad, they are simply a different kind of friend.
This process is beautiful and painful and terrifying; it is life giving at its very core.
Who are your organs? Have you told them how much they mean to you? Do they know how important they are? Whoever they many be, near or far, let them know how much they mean to you... the risk of connection is well worth it.