Flat as a flap jack... that is my ass.
It is depressing! I mean, I am fine being co-president of the itty bitty titty comity. Frankly, I can wear more clothing by not having boobs than if I had to dress around them, so whatever, it is what it is. But you guys, no booty?! That is just sad.
I will have you know that I was once pronounced the 'Miss New Booty' of Kalamazoo (my home town...the only place where Carol Channing missed playing Dolly EVER in her career if that says anything about it... which it doesn't). Seriously though, I used to have a substantial back side, which I (then) hated. I mean, I'm not saying I was in Nikki or Iggy Azalea territory, but I wasn't that far off either. My how the tides have turned! It is more and more apparent to me that we (as people) need to learn to be happy where we are in life, because we will forever compare everything to the past and the future (which is no way to live). I hated my butt, now I have none, and I want it back!
I get it, I am healthier now, I've lost weight (physically and emotionally), HUZZAH, but why did I have to loose my ass in the process? I keep seeing infomercials for the 'Brazilian Butt Lift' which, don't get me wrong, looks amazing, but isn't for me. I can squat, lunge, hip lift, and do stairs every day and my behind (though toned) will remain teeny tiny... apparently it is the Zahn Curse (every member of my mothers family has a back side so flat you could iron on it). What am I to do? No... seriously, what does a girl gotta do to have a bodacious back side? I mean, I don't want to look like Kimmy K that is just absurd and Beyonce is enviable but you guys, I recognize my limitations. I would be happy with my ass... butt better (PUN INTENDED).
I will twerk... I mean work, my little heart out for it!
Kalamazoos (former) Miss New Booty