I just watched the most amazing thing happen. While sitting at the counter, of a favorite local spot (hint hint), I watched a woman approach the front bar, ask a question about their beverage selection, and as the barista answered her inquiry ever so politely, I watched a rather annoyed/amused quizzical look grace her brow. She leaned to the person she was with, attempting to discretely suggest that, maybe, they should go somewhere else. It is worth noting that I was not close enough to hear what she said and I am no lip reader, however, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, not only what she was saying but what she was thinking in that moment.
Allow me to explain.
If I were to go to Vegas as a card counter, I would be arrested in two seconds flat. If I were to enter a poker tournament I would loose in the blink of an eye… why? Not because I am bad at cards, I am actually pretty decent (all those candy betting poker games of my youth did me well) but because I can not hide my emotions very well. Some call this wearing your heart on your sleeve, I call it a failed social experiment.
You guys, it is the worst. Here is why-
The other day I went to lunch with a friend and we had, literally, the most awkward server on planet earth (sir, don’t set my food infront of me and ask me if it looks allergen free… how am I to know!? You should know! You work there! Also, please don’t swoop silently past and steal our cups without asking if we would like a refill, that is just rude). As we sat finishing our meal the general manager came over to check and make sure everything was ok because he saw the look ON MY FACE every time our server did something odd. My inability to control the muscles in my face nearly cost a man his job!
Then there are the times when I am having a conversation with someone and while they are telling me their story I feel the corners of my mouth raise and lower, my eyes widen and brows become overly expressive, when suddenly I realize… I AM MAKING THE FACE THEY ARE MAKING! I can’t help it, my face simply has a morphing problem, exaggerating everything that crosses through my mind.
When I had botox (it was for my migraines I swear!) this condition was even worse. Because I couldn’t move the center of my forehead my left eye brow would raise on the corners involuntarily on a regular basis. Drew and I dubbed this “Bitch Brow”…
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I knew exactly what the woman was thinking as she stood at the front bar inquiring about her order. It isn’t rocket science, it is an innate understanding of a a human condition I like to call “Over Expressive Disorder”. Many are offended by it’s side affects daily, please know it is not our fault, we can’t help it.
Let it be known, I really do like your stories! If I witness something strange and my face contorts into a rather curious expression, odds are it has nothing to do with you so don’t be offended. Next time you are having a conversation with me and realize my face is far too invested in the subject matter, don’t fret, cut me some slack and let it slide. I promise you it is only because I care.