Time moves at the speed of light and the pace of a glacier doesn't it? So much has changed since Drew and I moved to California and so much has stayed the same.
At this very moment we are sitting next to one of our oldest friends in LA at the back bar of Blue Bottle Coffee in the Arts District. It feels like home here, though the people working the counter and the logo above the door have changed, the feeling remains. This was Handsome. This is where we found 'our people' when we first came to Los Angeles. My heart flutters and aches at the vague familiarity of it all. Past, present, and future colliding at a coffee counter. Poetic is it not?
Since we are here I wanted to take a moment to pause, to breath in the New Year; what a year it has been. It is hard to articulate the thousands of emotions rolling through my mind, an avalanche gaining momentum by the second. As Vonnegut would say- And so it goes.
Faces enter and exit the shop. All the same, all different.
Perhaps the best thing to do would be to share the year in shot sized glimpses, throw them back, one by one, feel the warmth slide down your throat filling your chest; the familiar burn of nostalgia.
January- Drew and I felt the pull of change. We 'staycationed' at the Ace Hotel in Down Town LA to scratch the itch and started apartment hunting.
February- I went to Japan for the first time and wept at a shrine in Tokyo.
March- Touched Nickelodeon green slime
April- Went to SanFrancisco with Drew. Discovered a love of Burmese food (seriously, go to Burma Superstar and get the fermented tea leaf salad)
May- Left on tour and went to more countries/saw more of the world, than I ever dreamed
June- Drew moved us into our new apartment and visited me in London. A high point in the first 62 days away from home.
July- Went surfing for the first time... it was magic.
August- Had a mental and emotional break (thanks to Inside Out, go see it and you will understand) Started deconstructing in order to reconstruct. I started seeing a therapist and it was the best decision of my life (outside of marrying Drew)
September- tour ended
October- I turned 28 and remembered how good dancing until 3 in the morning feels
November- Drew and I celebrated Thanksgiving alone and it was perfect. I also had the opportunity to have my work on the cover of Rolling Stone... not something I ever would have imagined for myself.
December- Absorbed moments. Cocktails by a fire in Chicago, wine chats with Zoe, sitting by the light of my Christmas tree in LA, being with my alternate 'families' on the road and in Michigan...
This was the hardest best year of my life (I think I say that every year, which isn't all bad). I did more than I ever dreamed, saw more of the world and grew personally in ways I never thought possible. Drew and I broke apart (from bad habits) and reunited stronger than ever (a continual process). Change is constant and vast.
I can't tell you what 2016 will bring, frankly I'm nervous, it feels ominous in a way. There is so much that could happen, so much that might be. I have set a goal to write out my vision for the year. Dreams, desires, truths, wishes, hopes, whatever you may call them. I haven't done it yet... I'm avoiding it. Writing things downs means they 'exist' in a sense, which means I can fail or disappoint... which I have a hard time with, as do most people. But I also think without accountability (in one fashion or another) things just float in the ether; no hope of a solid existence. However, I think they deserve to exist. I deserve to exist. You deserve to exist. We have value, therefore our dreams, wants, needs, and desires do as well.
What do you think? Are you a 'resolutions' person? When you look back on 2015 how do you feel? What would you change?
Cheers to you, cheers to 2016, may it bring all you hope for (and more).