Question. How do you deal with the feeling of “missing out”. I have struggled with this question my whole life. Often feeling like everyone has more fun when I’m not there. I know it’s not all true, but I can’t help but feel that I am missing all the moments and inside jokes that will form in those hours of my absence.
In an era so saturated with imagery and reminders there is no place to hide, you will know of all the socialites soirees and happenings seemingly before they do. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook… just the tip of the iceberg. You can turn off your phone, shut down your computer, but all the while you will know that on the other end of the internet things are happening, they are being posted, people are doing things, and you are, what? Sitting on your couch eating ice cream and watching a movie?
Sunday was a test of my determination, to not cave to the crippling wall of self deprecation that loomed over head for most of the day. It was Feast Day! A tradition started by friends to celebrate love, friendship and being together, all of which takes place around copious amounts of food. I love Feast Day, the preparation, making too much food and a vat of sangria that is so good it may kill you… but I am 2,000 miles away, so the food and sangria were made by others and I sat on my couch eating coconut milk ice cream and tried not to think about all of the magic feast day creates, as photo after photo was uploaded to instagram and my heart hurt to the point of tears. My friends back home were sending us “We MISS you!” texts all day which eased or added to the hurt depending on how you look at it, and I was truly grateful.
Those simple messages reminded me of something. I may be 2,000 miles from 90% of the people I love and care most about, but they are also 2,000 miles away from me… That is to say they miss Drew and I as much as we miss them. Though I will admit, this concept is hard to grasp when you are alone in your head and all the voices of childhood past are tormenting you for “missing out”. So where do you find peace? I can’t say that I know yet, but I am working on it. And I think that’s the point.
We as human beings are finite creatures, we can’t be everywhere all the time, no more than we can be everything to everyone, so we must choose. There are those of us who choose to be homebodies or socialites, those who choose to be healthy or unhealthy, go getters or easy goers; conscious or unconscious these decisions make up who we are, all of the time. Recognizing the truth about ourselves is often difficult, but once it is accepted you will experience far more peace. In my case realizing that I am loved and missed and therefore not forgotten is the truth I need to accept.
Peace and acceptance will come in time. Until then I will keep the coconut milk ice cream stocked.