I feel as though I am stuck in traffic, sitting, waiting to move but not really going anywhere. I start, stop, slowly creeping forward, allowing my hopes to be lifted, if only for a moment.
Mentally the last few weeks have been exhausting. The gears in my brain are working overtime planning our trip home, the party we are hosting, processing the thrill and heart ache of moving, the anticipation and worry of what will happen next, and what I will do with my time…My head is pulsating from all of these thoughts restlessly pressing against the walls of my brain.
I was recently accused of not being as interesting as I was before. Before what exactly? If you are looking for glitz and glamour I am not your girl. This whole project is an exploration, a journey. Wanting to find interesting facts, tell tales of a new life, and share things of value. An adventure of learning about life and love and all the in betweens (good days and bad). I can only hope to stand true to these motives. Never the less, I find that I am faced with the choice of either taking their criticism, making myself out to be a victim, allowing their words to invade my spirit, wallowing knee deep in every syllable, or deciding to learn from them; take them as a challenge to do better and work harder for what I want.
Here is what I know to be true. I immensely enjoy writing, to feel the spark of words forming into something greater than myself. The moment I start writing out of fear of what people will think I will loose my authenticity, questioning each sentence until by fingers are numb from sitting dormant on the keys (this pause and reform has happened several times while trying to write this post). I know that I won’t always have something brilliant to say, but I promise you that I will always try to be better.
The fact is life is good! And so I will choose to grow.
Challenge excepted, game on, hold on to your seats because this girl is going to do some serious damage (just give me time, I promise you it will be worth the wait).